Everyone of us has felt angry at some time or another.  But few of us stop to look at where it really comes from.  It is a secondary emotion.  It has it’s roots in frustration, guilt, embarrassment, or any number of other negative emotions.  On occasion, it has been commented on, by people who are close to me, that I could use some anger management when dealing with my family and The Witchlings.  Well I have taken their advice and taken great pains to learn more about anger. Here are the fruits of my labours.
•    Angry parents raise angry children, who in turn raise angry children of their own.  I have to shamefully admit that I have heard Witchling 10 scolding Witchling 12 with the inflection, same tone, even the same words that I have used myself.  She has learned what it is to express anger, from me.  It makes me shrivel up inside each time I hear it.
•    Anger is hardly ever an effective way to get through to children. You won’t get a positive reaction to anger from children ever.  You will get either sadness or reciprocated anger. Putting a positive spin on things that have made you feel angry can help the child see that they could have done things differently.  Check your tone of voice and examine the words you say BEFORE you open your mouth.
•    Some children – especially those who have come from a difficult background to a new home – may be especially ego-sensitive.  For these particular children anger can be very damaging.
•    All children need boundaries and most feel more secure knowing that their parents are firm.  But there is a world of difference between firmness and anger. It is perfectly possible to be firm, while remaining calm and composed.
•    Every one gets angry and loses their temper sometimes.  As long as you can keep a lid on things and are not being violent or abusive then there is no need to knaw your own arm off out of guilt if you flare up on a day when the washing all fell off the line and the cat has been sick and you’re all already late to go to the in laws for Sunday lunch! You’re only human!
•    If you find yourself in a towering rage with child because they left their wet swimming gear in their school bag (AGAIN!) or they put their little sister through their bedroom window (when it was CLOSED!), hug them.  Hold your child close to you, shut your eyes. . . and think. The heartbeats you share this moment for can often be enough to melt the anger away and make it easier to talk through the situation without losing control.
•    Talk openly with your children about the anger and violence that they see on the television and in movies.  It is important that they learn as soon as possible the difference between ‘stories’ and acceptable behaviour towards other human beings or animals.
•    Draw up an agreement.  It may sound odd but I have a written contract with The Witchlings.  I promised the Judge on adoption day that I would never raise my hand to them or hurt them in any way.  I remind myself often of that contract, and the pact I made with them never to do them any physical or emotional harm.  We all feel secure within firm boundaries as a result.
I would like to dedicate this blog to Grandmera and Grapper who, while I was growing up, showed almost saint like restraint.  They never lost the plot with me or laid a finger on me out of anger, and believe me it must have been sorely tempting on many occasions.  I hope that I will prove to be just as good a parent as they are still to me. Oh, and I really am sorry about the window mum!

Useful and Interesting Items:
window film available here
We offer Contract Cleaning
Managing resources at great prices.
debt management
infissi pvc