How do you tell a child that their daddy has lost his job?

It is a heart breaking thing for any parent to have to explain to their child, that mum or dad has lost their job, be it through redundancy or any other reason. Our children have rock solid faith in us as providers for them. Their sense of security is entirely derived from us.

I am blogging about this today as we have just become a single income family. It wasn’t a great surprise and we have been trying to prepare for it for a few weeks now. But it still comes as a shock when reality strikes.

Witchling 10 has a birthday in 3 weeks and Witchling 12 has her birthday in around 5 weeks. The prospect of trying to provide the presents that are already on their wishlists is daunting to say the least.

The challenge I face most immediately however, is how to tell the Witchlings that daddy lost his job today. I don’t want to frighten them or make them feel guilty.  Children often feel that it is somehow their fault when bad things happen and their parents are unhappy. They take responsibility for the reduced income and can become introverted and easily upset. I am dreading the look on their faces as we try to explain that there won’t be a family holiday this year and that the company car must be returned now, so we’ll have no transport for a while.

So I am keeping a smile (somewhat fixed, but a smile nonetheless) on my face and am not going to let the kids see that I am upset or concerned at all. We may have lost a large percentage of our cash income, but I can’t let this effect the security that the children need. As long as we remain focused on giving them all the love and attention we can, then hopefully the fact that the laptop and portable DVD player that were on their birthday wishlists won’t be missed quite so keenly.

The plan is to sit them down quietly, without distractions, and explain to them in language that they can understand. I am not going to go on about how hard things are going to be or how stretched financially we are about to become. The kids don’t need to feel insecure about that. Those things are for adults to worry about. I am, however, going to explain how they will be effected directly.Witchling 10, for example, will not be going to breakfast club or to her childminder any more as daddy will be at home for a while, while he looks for a new job. There can’t be any new hobbies or clubs right now. We won’t stop their swimming lessons, but there won’t be anything new starting off just yet.

Then, and this is most important, I am going to listen to their questions and to how they feel about the whole situation. The Witchlings have to have the opportunity to voice their immediate fears and worries, even if they are hard to hear.

The lesson that has to be learned from all of this is remember what REALLY matters.  All the money in the world cannot buy you happiness. Family matters. Being surrounded by people who love you and who will support you come what may, that’s what matters.

So at the end of the day, though I have no doubt there will be tears this evening, I know that we will come through all this as a stronger, happier family.

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