More and more children are suffering from ADHD and other behavioural problems and the number of children taking Ritalin is also on the rise. There may be many factors causing this. Too much screen time and not enough exercise, divorce, working parents, SATs and exam pressures… the list goes on. It is interesting though, that the number of adults, including parents, being diagnosed with clinical depression is also on the rise, at almost the same, epidemic rate. In fact almost 20% of the population has some form of depression that makes living a normal everyday life nigh on impossible.

Child therapists have identified that if a child is in trouble then the parents are usually depressed. It may seem to the depressed parent that the cause of their depression is the child’s behaviour or problem. The chances are however, that the child’s troubled behaviour is actually a reaction to the parent’s depression. So the merry-go-round continues! Children will try to get a reaction 9however dramatic) from the depressed parent, in order to jerk them back into being a parent.

Being a parent and suffering from depression means that you have no energy for your child. You are apathetic to their needs and find it very hard to pay attention or apply discipline. Children need to feel safe and know where their boundaries are. These boundaries disappear when a depressed parent cannot function well enough to enforce rules. As a result, the child plays up. They are effectively stretching the boundaries as far as they can to force the parent to take an interest. They have no idea that they are actually sinking hte parent deeper into depression.

The good news is that when the parent is successfully treated and has their depression under control, there is evidence to show that the child’s behaviour will improve dramatically in conjunction. This is great news as there is a frighteningly high risk that the child of a depressed parent will go on to become a depressed adult themselves.

The immediate solution is for the parent to get help straight away. This usually means separating the child from the mother or father (grandparents can help here) and getting the depressed parent on the road to recovery with anti-depressants and counselling. Once that is achieved then the parent can slowly start to re-build their connection with the child.

If no help is given to a depressed parent then the child and the parent will both suffer even more in the long run. Children of depressed parents grow up with horrible self esteem issues and believe that they are un-lovable. They learn that the only way to get attention is to be disruptive, naughty, violent or destructive. They will also not be able to calm themselves for lack of positive nurturing attention. This often leads to drug abuse in later years in an attempt to self-medicate depression or soothe anxiety of their own.

If you are a parent and you are reading this, and you think you recognise the signs of depression in yourself as a parent, please, PLEASE get some advice from your GP or health visitor. You won’t regret it.

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