Peer PressureFor pre-teens rejection or criticism by their friends can have a devastating effect on their self esteem and sense of identity. Add that together with the new academic challenges of secondary school and increasing pressure to achieve there and there is little wonder that pre-teens are sometimes difficult to parent or even to be around! With the Witchlings (especially Witchling 12) I have found that what they need most is for me to believe in them. Sticking my oar in and telling them what to think/believe/wear/learn just adds even more pressure.

So their friends (apparently) are given everything they want? They have the latest phones, are allowed out to late night parties, wear designer labels and high heels. Does Witchling 12 really truly need these things too? Am I a bad mum if I make her go without them? Or am I a worse mum if you let her have it all? I can’t win either way!

The bottom line is that pre-teens, and my Witchlings are no exceptions, are afraid of not fitting in or being different from their friends. Sadly, some of this insecurity is justified. Enter – Peer Pressure. Having the right clothes or the right hair style helps them to belong to their chosen peer group. If the Witchlings stay as ‘Outsiders’ then they run the risk of bullying for the sake of their individuality. It’s hardly surprising that peer pressure is such an issue for pre-teens.

So how do I balance out encouraging the Witchlings to be individuals, standing firm against doing stuff just because their friends or other kids the same age are doing it, and encouraging them to fit in with their social peers?

Fashion and daft hair styles I can cope with. Even listening to truly dreadful music! But there are some there are a few things I am truly terrified of my Witchlings being drawn into through Peer Pressure.

  • Drinking alcohol
  • Smoking
  • Taking Drugs
  • Truancy
  • Becoming sexually active
  • Losing weight and dieting

It would be lovely – but naive to assume that the Witchlings are too young to be affected by these issues but just look in any paper, turn on the news, and it is all around them. Pre-teens are constantly bombarded by images of ‘cool’ celebrities doing truly stupid things and what’s good for celebrities is good for everyone if you are only 12. So this idiocy drip feeds its way into the peer groups that my Witchlings belong to. Hey presto! They are suddenly under pressure from their ‘friends’ to do things that none of them are ready to even understand properly yet!

Forgive the rant but peer pressure is something that worries this particular mum a lot. I’m off to ring Grandmera and Grapper to see if the font of parenting wisdom can come up with any answers to help me get a little more sleep tonight!  Watch this space…