Parent Gossip

Witchling 12 revealed at the weekend that a local nightclub near where Grandmera and Grapper live, (Pussycats! – classy joint by the sounds of things huh?) holds an under 18s event on the first Friday of each month. Then came the announcement that of course since her friends were all going, then she too would be attending. She even went so far as to pat my hand sweetly and say:
“I’ll have my mobile phone* with me mum, so I can call you when I want you to pick me up!”
I would like credit here from all the mums and dads out there, for not bricking her up behind a wall for sheer nerve!
It’s not that I think she’d do anything wrong out of sheer wickedness. But I worry about the things an impressionable 12 year old might be exposed to even at an under 18s event. OK so there won’t be a licenced bar and the venue is, of course, non-smoking. But since when did that stop the average 16-17 year old smoking outside the place and smuggling in alcohol. Trust me. I was that teenager! Then there is the matter of sex. Far be it from me to be puritanical about her exposure to relationships but I feel there is a world of difference between the sorts of things 12 year olds should be doing and the sorts of things that hormone addled 17 year olds will get up to in a dark night club without too much adult supervision.
And yet I really would like for her to go with her friends and have a good time. I believe the exhilaration of independence would do wonders for her confidence. What I need to do first is make sure she is armed to the teeth against peer pressure.
I want people to respect me and my decisions. If my friends alienated me just because I don’t dress the same as them, or do the same things in my spare time, well then they’re not really true friends. My friends are accepting of the choices I make in every aspect of my life, even if they might not make the same choices themselves. I am confident about who I am. I also have the benefit of being a grown adult and 22 years of life experience more than Witchling 12. I can handle peer pressure, but how do I help her to do the same?
Here are my top tips for pre-empting and handling peer pressure.
• If you haven’t discussed sex, drugs, smoking or anything else that might be a worry then be the first to raise the subject. Being proactive about potentially uncomfortable topics can make your pre-teen feel more comfortable about approaching you about them in the future. It’s a great opportunity to bust some myths at the same time and find out how much they really know.
• Become the bad guy. – Witchling 12 knows now that she can put the blame on me as the ultimate wicked witch whenever she needs to. If she’s under pressure to do something idiotic and she doesn’t feel confident enough to say no for herself she can always blame me. ‘My mum would murder me if I did that! She’d go spare and ground me forever!’ are great lines for her to use.
• Roleplay saying ‘NO’. Take it in turns to put ‘pretend pressure’ on eachother to take a cigarette or have a drink etc. Practicing in this way will help your pre-teen to feel confident and comfortable enough to say no to their peers.
• Give them permission to be rude sometimes. It’s perfectly acceptable to avoid or distance yourself from people who want you to do something that you don’t want to do. Make sure your pre-teen knows that. Getting into trouble because you don’t want to offend a friend is never right.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that these are bullet proof methods of avoiding peer pressure. Nor do I expect that Witchling 12 will always be able to fend it off. So my final piece of advice is this… Be there. It’s important that you are available to listen and talk about issues when your pre-teen needs to. Even more importantly, if your own pre-teen has made a mistake or a bad decision, don’t jump to conclusions or shout. Talk through what happened and come up with a solution that will help them make a better decision next time. If there are re-percussions that go with their original actions, talk these through too and make sure they know that you still love them no matter what.

*That would be the mobile phone that has never had credit on it for more than about an hour and is currently lost!