With so many different styles of weddings and venues available nowadays the happy couple are inundated with choices and decisions to make. Should we have a simple ceremony or a lavish three tier meringue affair with all the bells and whistles? A horse and carriage, a Daimler, or a Roller? A civil ceremony or a church do? A country house, or a beach in the Caribbean? It can be a minefield as the bride and groom try their best to manage and expectations  their families. Now imagine how much more treacherous the minefield becomes when it is a second marriage and one (or both) of the partners has children!  There are suddenly more major players involved than just the bride and groom and treading delicately becomes more important than ever.
Where children are concerned a lot of extra planning and thought must be put into the big day.  It is a big day for the bride and the groom and it is an equally big day for their children but not necessarily for the happiest of reasons.  Seeing your mother re-marry after splitting up with your father is the final nail in the coffin for their secret (but understandable) dreams of their parents getting back together.  This can lead to conflict and feelings of guilt for the children as they will not want to be disloyal to the parent who is not marrying, no matter how strong the relationship they have with their new step parent.  It is a very confusing time for any child.  The key to helping your child through the minefield safely is to give them as much time as possible to get used to the idea. Talk honestly and openly about what the marriage will mean for the child and for the family as a whole unit.  Also remember to LISTEN.  Children (no matter what the age of the child) must be allowed to express their opinions and talk through how they feel.
Next, get your children involved in the wedding.  If a child is excluded from his or her parent’s wedding they will ultimately feel resentful and neglected.  Avoid this by getting them involved in the wedding right from the very start.  Your wedding should be a day to remember for every member of the family.  The key to this is in the planning.  Choose a reputable Wedding Planner who will get to know you and your children and will help you plan the wedding of your dreams, even if it is second (or in my case third!) time lucky.  A really great wedding planner will take into account your own dreams and expectations for the big day and will also take into consideration your children’s needs too.  If you have daughters and they are to be bridesmaids, having a very special meeting with the wedding planner just for the bride and the bridesmaids will make them feel very grown up and included in the whole event.
Whether you choose a simple civil ceremony or a cathedral with all the trimmings, if you plan it all well in advance and take your children’s feelings into account at all times, your wedding day (whether it is your first or second marriage) will be a wonderful day and should provide your family with happy memories for many years to come.