I was discussing parenthood with a girlfriend of mine the other day. I have 2 wonderful (if challenging) daughters that I fought long and hard to adopt 7 years ago. It was a decision that I didn’t undergo lightly and have never (well almost never) regretted since.

My friend is 40. She has decided not to have children. She has never wanted children and does not envisage this changing any time soon. I completely respect her decision and her right to choose therefore it surprised me when she told me that many of her other friends (who are parents) have commented that the decision not to have children is a selfish one. To me, this is ridiculous.  How many children are born into families where they are not really wanted, or cannot be cared for properly? How many children and abused or are taken into care and are waiting to be fostered or adopted as a result.

The selfish people are those who take no responsibility for their choices or actions and bring children into the world without thinkng through the full implications or responsibilities that they mean.

Choosing not to have a child, if you do not want a child, are not in a financial position to care for a child, or are simply not emotionally ready to take responsibility for a child, is the most selfless and admirable decision you can make.  I am often given very well intentioned praise and admiration for having decided to adopt 2 children. But my admiration goes to my friend for deciding not to.

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