The average family is a myth.  Every family is unique and even when there are outward similarities, no two families are the same.  Families come in all sizes, flavours and shapes, and each family has it’s own challenges to face.  They also have their own strengths with which to face them.
My family started out in the ‘normal’ way; 1 mum + 1 dad + 2 children.  By the time I was 8 we were a single parent family of 1 mum + 2 children.  By the time I was 11 we were a strangely extended family with 1 mum + 1 estranged dad + 1 mum’s boyfriend + 1 sister + 2 step siblings (who lived in another house with their 1 mum + 1 stepdad)!
Change is one of the most common and yet the greatest challenge for any family (whatever the type) to face.  As a parent it is vital to manage changes that happen so that they have minimal negative impact on your child.
Here are the Parent Gossip top tips to help your child cope with change in your family.
1.    Talk! Children pick up quickly on changes in the air and even little children can tell if you are hiding things from them.  There may be no need to go into lots of details immediately, but it is better in the long run to be open about changes that will affect your family.

2.    Take it slowly. Talking about change can be overwhelming. Allow your child to ask questions and talk to them straight forwardly and in terms that they can understand.  Your child needs to be able to process the change that is taking place at their own pace.

3.    Offer reassurance as often as you can. Talk about how you feel about your child and how you feel about the rest of the family.  Remind your child that they are loved and safe, regardless of what is happening to change the family.  This will help them feel stable and secure.

4.    Watch out for changes in behaviour that might indicate that your child is not feeling secure or is feeling inappropriate emotions about the change.  Children often feel guilt or shame about changes that they have no impact on.  This is especially relevant if the change is a separation.  Children may revert to ‘baby’ behaviour in an attempt to get the reassurance and safety that they crave.

5.    Talk to your child’s teacher about what is happening so that they can keep an eye out for any changes in behaviour at school.  If the school is aware of the changes your family is facing they will be able to help your child to stay focused at school and may make allowances for any necessary absence.

6.    If your family is breaking up due to separation or bereavement make certain that you know your rights as a parent.  When a child’s future is thrown into doubt it is vital that it be resolved at the earliest opportunity. Be certain about your rights and your confidence and certainty will be picked up on by your child.  This can greatly reassure them.

7.    Counselling, support agencies and mediators can often help you and your family to deal with major changes.  They may well spot potential problems before they occur. Check with your local Children’s and Young People’s Service for details of local agencies that can help you.

Remember that it is not only parents and children who experience difficulties when faced with change.  For a Grandparent or an Aunt or Uncle or even a Godparent, changes to a family can have a big impact. There is always the fear that they will lose access to cherished grandchildren or nieces and nephews as a result of a break up or bereavement. Equally, it can be a daunting task to adjust to relations joining the family, especially if the new relationship being formed is not exactly conventional.
The secret to dealing with this is to be patient and keep talking honestly about the changes your family is going through.  Be patient with every member of your family (including yourself!) and there is no change that you can’t face and beat together.

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